Sugar sabotage.

"Sugar, ah honey honey, you are my candy girl and you've got me wanting you" Yep. Sugar. Harder to kick than a crack habit. I wouldn't literally know but the comparison seems accurate. All week I've been craving anything sticky, gooey, lush and SWEET!!! Forget sweet "tooth", I have a whole head of 'em and they're chopping at the bit. 30 years of living with an addiction does a number on a girl's ability to just say NO.

It's been a rough couple of days. Sore throat, ear ache, body pains, fever...blah, blah, blah. All I've been craving is comfort food. Cold, crisp, healthy anything just isn't appealing when you're feeling under the weather. While I mustered up as much self control as I could this week, there were some pit falls...

So, as promised, I am posting the victories AND the flubs. Ladies and gents, may I present Ben & Jerry's newest addition: Late Night Snack.

Vanilla bean ice cream with a salty caramel swirl & fudge covered potato chip clusters. Jesus take the wheel.

This pint attack was my achilles heel and I fell prey to its seduction. Maybe some won't believe this next statement, but I actually DID leave some behind. Which leads me on from this shameful confession and into the lesson learned.

In the past I have always rewarded any long stint of healthy eating with a treat. Food rewards, while tempting, are not only detrimental, but very unnecessary. Although, feeling sick did play a role in the "comfort food" cravings, part of me was feeling deserving of eating what I wanted. My mind was racing with a sense of depravity and missing out. How can I be at this point? I've done SO good and come so far. Beating yourself up gets you no where.

Moving on.

Now that I'm on the mends and feeling better day by day, I have made a personal pact. When I feel myself slipping into a desired sugar coma, I must eat a piece of fruit, drink a full glass of water, make sure I eat some protein and a healthy fat. I will be more prepared and look at any excessive sugar intake as sabotage to my success. Food rewards are no longer an option. Next time I am feeling overly structured in the food department, I will take a break and treat myself to a mani. Indulgent, calorie free and a great alternative to crack.

Get that fruit in every day!

You win some - you lose some

When it comes to kitchen creations, I am by no means Martha Stewart and the only thing Paula Dean and I have in common is our mutual love of butter! Nonetheless, I can throw together a tasty dish. I wanted to use this blog time to share what I've been up to in the food department. As previously mentioned, I am NOT on a diet. I am changing my lifestyle, which as in all things, started with changing my head.

You name it, I've tried it: Atkins, cabbage diet, Weight Watchers, Medifast, L.A. Weightloss, Slimfast, pills (prescription & black market), cleanses, water pills, starvation (which lasted a whole lunch hour), NO sugar, NO fat, the list goes on and on...not to mention bariatric surgery, which I will cover in another blog, so hold on for that one.

If you put yourself under a law, you are sure to fail because there is NO grace in the law. It's only a matter of time before whatever "law" you put yourself under turns around and bites you in your "well-intentioned" behind. I agree wholeheartedly that you need guidelines to succeed. But, there is a way to live with food and not FOR food. If you treat it as an asset and not a crutch, vice or enemy then you'll find it can be a wonderful partner in health. Believe me, I'm still learning this. Admittedly, there are days where I get the Ben & Jerry's cold sweats! I have to keep looking at the bigger picture. Everything in moderation. Sure, go ahead and taste it but if you have to see your spoon scraping the bottom of the pint every time, you've got a problem.

I have been following a system called "The Diet Solution". It was shown to me by my good friend Elaine and I have found it to be the most nourishing, freeing, substantial and liberating plan I've tried thus far. The focus is on discovering A: your individual dietary needs and B: re-training dieters on what's healthy and what's hype. It begins with a quick quiz to evaluate whether you're a Protein or a Carb type. Much to my surprise, I am a protein type meaning, my body naturally craves meats, sugar and fats. While I CAN have carbs (hallelujah) my system will have a harder time processing them. On the flip side, I can have all the fats that most diets put the kibosh on. That's right, I'm talking butter, avocados, coconut oil, cashews, whole milk! Thank you Jesus!

From here on out, I will be discussing my type (protein) I have enough to learn without trying to figure out all the carb type details. If you do decide to read the book and discover you're a carb type, let us in on what you learn!

In closing, I believe you can be successful in whatever program or plan you chose to follow as long as you can make it manageable and realistic for your needs. I know I can NOT live my life without ice cream and pizza (in moderation). I can however, drive past Mcdonald's now without white knuckles and heavy sweating. In order to lose weight, you have to gain wisdom and this plan has been helping me do just that:

http://www.thedietsolutionprogram.com/

I know some of you have asked for recipes, unfortunately, most times, I just throw things together. Here are some pics and descriptions of what I've made. Bon appetit!

All natural salmon burger (from Sam's club) red onion, portabella mushroom and pine nuts sauteed in coconut oil. Spring mix with grape tomatoes and avocado sprinkled in sea salt
Curried scrambled eggs, with a small portion of potatoes topped with raw whole milk yogurt and cashews
Fresh classic: Strawberries and raw whole milk yogurt
My spin on bananas Fosters: Bananas sauteed in REAL butter (take it all in ladies) served warm over whole milk ricotta cheese.....brilliant!
Veggies and cream cheese on a sprouted grain bagel
Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal with raw whole milk (straight from le farme) topped with fresh berries
Every day I try to eat what I like to call a "super salad". Its basically any veggie leftovers sauteed in coconut oil over spring mix or lettuce. Hard boiled eggs for a change up.

Shredded zucchini and cream cheese omelette, I use the entire egg, despite what you've been taught about the yolks, the health benefits are wonderful! http://www.healthdiaries.com/eatthis/10-health-benefits-of-eggs.html

Eggs over-medium with sweet potato "hash browns" sauteed in coconut oil...another secret to health and weight loss check it out! http://www.organicfacts.net/organic-oils/organic-coconut-oil/health-benefits-of-coconut-oil.html

These hips don't lie

The "real" deal. (No body editing, no makeup, no hair done, no problem)
First things first, if you're going to start a journey you must know where you're starting from. Whether you're planning on going from A to B or A to Z, its no good if you don't know where "A" is. Sometimes, it feels like we've gotten so far off the beaten path that we're just lost AND beaten ourselves. Its scary to take a "real look" at yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, the list goes on and on. This new direction I've taken has forced me to focus on many of these very things, but today, I focus on the physical.

In my line of work, I take pride in making people look good through my lens. Correction, my lens is only half of it. Honestly, I could make the broadside of a farm animal look couture ready with enough PS, that's Photoshop for any edit-challenged readers. You can't find a publication, photograph, advertisement etc that hasn't been edited or "touched-up" before hitting the shelves. While it does make for a pleasant viewing experience, it has absolutely changed our view of men, women and the world but most tragically - ourselves.

Endless comparisons and judgements are freely handed out as we flip through our favorite rag mag. Its a sad and unrealistic standard to constantly be putting ourselves under. I don't know about you, but for a very long time, I had a serious FEAR of posting real pics of myself publicly. By "real" I mean, untouched, un-shopped, just me, the way I be. It wasn't until this month when I made myself stand in front of a mirror and face the facts. Every time I edited a picture of myself before posting it, I was basically saying "This isn't good enough, I'M not good enough". There was a great deal of power and security that came with every stroke of my airbrushing tools and shading techniques. Slimming, tucking, stretching, brightening, lifting - all tricks of the trade but all hiding the truth, all hiding the real deal.

You know the difference between truth and facts, right? Unlike truth, facts are changeable.

FACT: I am at my all time heaviest weight

TRUTH: I have the ability to change that

FACT: I have gained and lost 100 lbs twice in my lifetime

TRUTH: God can help me lose it and keep it off (Phil 4:13)

FACT: I have a long way to go

TRUTH: He will give me the strength I need (Isaiah 40:31)

So, how does this tie in with knowing where your journey begins? It's time to get honest. The more edits or "truth hiding" we do to ourselves, the further into denial we get and the more likely we are to put off change. Change is the only constant thing, so why fight the inevitable? Sure, you can be an ostrich and bury your head in the sand, but over time, you're gonna be an ostrich with one FAT butt! (And not the good kind)

The funny thing is...who are we kidding?? Why is it we crop, angle and shadow ourselves on Facebook, all the while the cashier at Lowe's or Starbucks sees the full picture. All 360 degrees of us. Is it embarrassment? Fear of rejection? It is my strong belief that you can only fully accept and love yourself once you've given into His love for you. Learning and REALLY believing that He sees you as perfect and lovely will begin to set you free from this self-loathing trap.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with loving yourself the way you are. Self acceptance has been an on going battle I've faced for years. But, I am made in His image. The more I discover who He is, the more I am finding out who I am IN Him. Funny how that works. But, its the truth baby, and truth don't lie. This isn't about beating yourself up or smashing yourself into a mold thats two sizes too small. It's about being okay with where you are starting from, no matter how ugly, hurtful, embarrassing or shocking (believe me, you wouldn't want to be a fly on my mirrored wall) and then MOVING forward. Start today! Take a step in the right direction, even if you've only got your toe facing forward, at least you're on your way!

How do you eat an elephant?

One bite at a time. Yep. That's the "easy" part, right? Seeing as one wrong bite at a time got me here, one RIGHT bite at a time will get me out.

This is my fourth week of salad chewing, water guzzling, ZUMBA dancing, brownie declining, fruit buying, sweat dripping, mind over matter life change. Fad is not in my vocab and quitting is not an option. Pauses, sure. Bad days, inevitable. Success? YES! I will claim it, but not in my own strength...no way hosay! The ONLY way I will keep going is with the Lord's help.

It's amazing how many things we do on our own, only to realize we are never alone. So, for this, I have no option. I can't do it alone. I am a dieting failure and a "try" girl, but now I am finding a new grace for myself and that is HUGE for me. Almost as HUGE as my...

Which leads me to my next thought; I must stop dwelling on all my faults. One could get buried by the failure that stares back at them in the mirror. I have found myself saying "it's okay, you're on your way" over and over and over whenever I get caught in those negative booby traps.

Again, its mind over matter and grace for ones self but most important, trusting in the Lord's bigger strength. Thank you for checking out my first official post on my new blog. Since this is a journey and NOT a race, I will be updating whenever I feel the need to share. From time to time I will have flubs but they will be out shined by victories and I promise to share both. xoxox