Chinese proverb

"Man who say it can not be done should not interfere with man who is trying to do it"

My parents had this old saying on our refrigerator growing up and this week I've experienced it first hand. As I said in my first post I was very hesitant about "coming out" with the HCG info. I knew people would quickly form an opinion and maybe give me some feedback that I didn't want to hear.

I know the difference between concern, doubt and just plain old criticism. And I don't much like the latter but I know once you make something public, it's open for PUBLIC opinion. I can respect that even if I don't want to hear it at times.

I am really guarding this season of my life because it's important to me and still in a vulnerable stage. I'm changing and growing and helping others do the same, so it's very important for me to stay positive and stay in faith. I know I am leading an example for others following behind me and I take that responsibility very seriously.

This is a bloggers public service announcement of sorts: if you don't understand, like or care about this new plan I'm on here are your options: write me a private message, I'm more than happy to answer any questions/concerns you may have. But, please save your negative or condescending remarks for an episode of "The world according to Paris". I know it's not your intention to upset or discourage me, but you wouldn't believe some of the responses I've gotten thus far and honestly, not sure how else to take it. I know it's strange and "extreme" and I'm learning so much more about it and really enjoying the journey.

On a positive note, a big thank you to all my supporters (you know who you are) you've made this year's journey all the more worth it. I appreciate all the kind and encouraging words, they mean more than you know! I know you're for me and for my success and I love you ALL!!!!

There's more than one way to skin a catfish and everyone has their choice of plan to follow. You have to find what works for YOU, commit and go for it! I encourage you to do so!

Too good to be true

Here on day 22 of my HCG drops, down 22 pounds and feeling great! It's changed my life in so many ways. Not only am I getting lighter and lighter, my wallet is getting heavier and heavier from all the savings! All those Starbucks and gas station drinks really add up! Not to mention the occasional fast food drive thru (embarrassment).

Eating my healthy little meals has made all the difference! I've taken on some preparation tactics to help me plan for the week and it's making life super easy! Weighing and measuring out my meat for the next few days and then I freeze it in baggies.

Digital food scale from Wally World for $20. I use it every day - great investment! I'm allowed any meat other than pork and I can even have shrimp and lobster! (oh happy day!)

Found this cute little cooler bag online and it's very useful to bring my lunches and snacks along with me. Plus, it's super cute! Since I'm in the care a lot and always on the go, it's quite useful!

These little guys have come in handy when you need that carby-crunch (they make great croutons for your soup too!)

Can I say how delighted I am that I can have espresso?? Love this machine, a perk from my years as a Barista. I've been taking my frozen strawberries and blending them in this little hand blender (also from Wally World) along with my liquid vitamins and lemon juice for a delish sorbet-textured smoothie!

My taste buds are bursting with flavor profiles that I haven't noticed in food in a very long time - "The snozberries taste like snozberries!" I really believe that since I began my "health journey" back in the beginning of the year that it greatly prepared me for this plan. Yes, I felt discouraged and had all the foot and hip pain issues arise, but as previously stated, this was an answer from above!

Although, I am facing some "mourning" if you want to call it that over the loss of frequent eating. You'd be amazed how much mindless eating & grazing we do in a day (although, if you're heavy - you shouldn't be - admittance is the first step to recovery!) Food had been my constant companion even with the healthier choices I had started making at the beginning of this year. None the less, it's a one way relationship and had turned abusive. Call it the Ike to my Tina, I had to kick it to the curve.

Yes, I literally say out loud sometimes, "You are not good to my body and I can have you from time to time, but for now, I am saying goodbye"

I find that it's mind over matter when it comes to sticking to anything....I mean of course it is. I always read about people's weight loss testimonials in magazines and books and the common thread was always some form of positive self-assurance. These people either wrote on their mirrors, makeup compacts, journaled, stuck sticky notes on their fridges and steering wheels with positive messages to encourage themselves. I always minimized and wrote it off as silly/cheesy/dumb what have you. You'd think from years of learning about the power of a good confession and your tongue, I'd have gotten it by now!

I have been telling myself every day that I can do this, that I can develop a good relationship with food, that I can find success with my health, and above all, that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me! It's on my mirror, it's in my heart and it's quickly getting in my head.

Drop it like it's HOT!

Hello my peeps,

Yes. I'm alive. I'm well. I'm back.

Here's the thing, I was M.I.A for a while due to many-a-things like: busy summer schedule with my photography, foot and hip pain and just plain old discouragement with my S-L-O-W weight loss. Enough excuses. I'm back on the wagon and this time, I'm feeling more determined than EVER!

So I'm about to let you in and share WHY I'm feeling so t-t-t-t-terific! Honestly, I wasn't going to blog about this and wanted to keep in on the DL (that's down low - mom) for several reasons. It's not for everyone, it's "out there" and some might even say it's down right controversial. Also, I didn't want to deal with all the "nay-sayers" and doubters and such. I wanted to be confident in my decision before committing. No, I' haven't become a Hindu vegetarian. I have however committed to a way of life that includes a very regimented and strict way of eating (500) calories, along with these hormonal, homeopathic drops I take sublingually 4x day.

WOAH, settle down. I know, I know. Don't worry I'm not going to grow a beard and I'm not going to starve myself. The plan I'm doing is called HCG or Human chorionic gonadotropin. Here's the deal:

HOW HCG WORKS IN OUR BODIES

Human Chorionic Gonadotropin:

HCG is known in medical terms as Human Chorionic Gonadotropin that is produced in women during their pregnancy. The Job of HCG is to protect and control the metabolic function of the body. During pregnancy most women encounter mild to heavier forms of morning sickness. Also what was once a body feeding only 1 is now feeding 2 or more depending on the situation. The natural hormone HCG is produced by the body as a protector of ones metabolism creating a link between body and brain that its number one priority is to always make sure there is enough food and nutrients to burn in order for both the fetus and mother to survive. This signal to the brain creates a constant open access to all fat stores in the body. The body is then conditioned to always burn calories using stored fat sources verses muscle tissue and nothing else. This ensures that mother and baby always have enough to eat even if she endures morning sickness through the entire pregnancy. HCG has been used for years to not only treat and reset ones metabolic rate but also treat things such as infertility in both men and women. By using HCG your body is being told that it is imperative to burn fat stored in your body as much as it can to stay healthy. This in turn burns about 4000 calories a day which is the result of losing 1-2 lbs of weight loss per day.

HCG is both used by men and women and has little or no side effects because it’s an already produced hormone and is no stranger to the human body. All humans are born with proper fat levels. There are no obese nor malnourished newborns. HCG hormone is responsible for this. For this reason, it is found to work on ALL humans with no exceptions. How well it works is up to the human.

Reset Metabolism:

When on the HCG diet you are in a way, wiping your body clean and re-introducing the fat burning process to it. Over the years of eating habits change we fluctuate up and down and our body programs its self accordingly. If a person only eats once or twice a day the body is convinced that it is starving and stores any source of fat it encounters. People who eat many small meals per day (in this case, 500 specific calories along with the drops) program their bodies that it always has everything it needs and there is no reason to save anything.

It is found that people who consistently feed their body in small amounts keep their metabolic rate burring at a high level all the times, which results in the ability to be more free with food choices in their eating habits. In the Phases after your weight loss your body starts to re-program its self to your new food intake. This is the most crucial and important part of the diet. This phase ensures that you keep the weight off that you just spent all your time trying to lose. When in this phase your metabolic rate is restored to its highest working function. This is why in the 2 weeks after you diet it is important to stick with the foods you are given even though your calorie amount is almost tripled. This enables your body to get use to its new program of burning so that when you do start to introduce things like sugar and starches again, it will keep functioning at such a high rate it will have no problem burring right through those unwanted calories.

As you'll see in your Google research, there's about a 50/50 feedback for the HCG diet. As like anything, it has it's controversies. As soon as people see that it isn't FDA approved they get up on their soapbox and start a-preachin'. Let's not forget that most if not ALL of your common daily herbal supplements, vitamins and elixirs are not FDA approved. Also, the 500 calorie diet you HAVE to follow also raises most people's blood pressure in shock, but as you read (if you read that LONG insert) you'd see that your body will be getting more than sufficient calories from your abnormal fat storage. And in my case, it's definitely not going to be hurtin'.

Let me backtrack for a sec, HCG came into my knowledge last year after hearing about a well known individual who had done this plan and lost a considerable amount of weight. At the time, it was predominately available in injection form for which you needed a prescription. Okay, hate needles, no way. Then while on a plane flying out to Texas this January, I stared chatting with this pharmaceutical rep. As women so often do, we got on the subject of weight. She then politely told me I should look into HCG but again, said it was an injection you got from your doc. So that put it out of my head a second time!

Wouldn't you know several months later a very good long-time family friend of ours showed up looking very svelte and the thinest I'd ever seen him! Come to find out, he and his wife had been doing...what do you know? HCG diet! He began to inform me of all the details and what it entails and like many of you who will read this blog, I was SKEPTICAL. I had a ton of questions and a lot of reserve. But, I had to keep coming back to what I saw with my eyes as my friend sat next to me. Someone I knew, trusted and - minus a belly I had come to know for so many years. The proof was in the pudding (or lack there of) and I became curiouser and curiouser.

I decided to read everything there was to read about this plan. I took a month, I did hours and hours of research and most importantly, prayer. I came to a decision but was still struggling with the idea of doing yet another "fad" diet and fear of failure. But, all the stories seemed too good to be true and I couldn't leave it alone. It was a Saturday night and I felt like I was on a precipice of yes, but not quite %100, when I received a text from a friend at church. She asked if I was going to be there the next morning (Sunday) because she had something very exciting that she felt was from God to share with me.

I show up and we start talking...

She begins to open up to me about none other than HCG!! I was blown away and all I could do was laugh! I literally told no one (other than family) that I was even considering this road. I wanted it to be private and now, here's a girl confirming that this was definitely for me!!! I couldn't believe it, but had to praise the Lord for Him speaking through her to me.

I started that week -July 11th and to date have lost an amazing 21.6 pounds!!!! That's right, 21.6 pounds in 3 weeks!!!

I have energy like I haven't had in literally years, sleeping through the night and dreaming again which means I'm getting in REM, my eyes are brighter, my skin is clear and I have so much hope for my thin future! It's really been amazing and so now you see why I just had to share with my blog friends.

I wanted to hit 30lbs before the "grand reveal" but since I'm losing at such a quick rate, people are already starting to notice and I feel obliged to open up about it now. I know this can help many people, in fact, it already has. My friends and family have gotten on board and for the sake of their privacy I won't say who or what but they are all big losers like me!

As I said before, this is not for everyone. It is very strict and follows a regimented diet along with the drops. Yes, men you can participate too and no, you won't grow uh....ah-hem, any lady parts. This is a carbon copy of the hormone and homeopathic. It only attacks the abnormal fat supplies in your body.

Not to come across pushy, but I've actually become a distributor so if you have any questions, hit me up! I have other attachments and info I can email you.

Thats all for now, I will be documenting my journey and am thrilled with the results I've gotten! It came just in time for me. With my foot and hip injuries, this was such an answer from above. Since January 2011, I have now lost 30 pounds (21.6 from HCG) and feeling great about it. Keep an eye out for recipes, ideas and updates as I embark on this exciting new "weight & see" chapter!

Numbers

Funny thing, numbers. Digits of measurement that dictate our lives through manipulating our emotions. If they're BIG, they're great - in regards to your bank account, but not the scale. If they're small they're horrible - in regards to your IQ, but not your cholesterol. You face them daily from the moment you roll over in bed to the sound of your alarm at 7:30am and so on. You step outside to see what the temperature is to determine long or short sleeves, but what size is your long or short sleeve shirt? NUMBERS!

Then it's 2 eggs because 3 is too much, it's one piece of toast to cut the carbs, it's zero butter to cut the fat, it's Starbucks Via to cut the time. NUMBERS! We run on them and they run over us.

AGE, there's a big one. Your license states your height, your age and thanks to California, your WEIGHT?! These digits identify and represent you. What about the nine digits of your good ol' SSN? What about describing that someone to someone...."You know, the tall guy"

Back to age for a moment. As stated in my bio, I turned the big 3-0 this year and like many women was faced with all the "zero's" associated with getting older. You know - zero kids, zero husband, zero white picket fence, ZERO goal weight! You could take a LONG detour down that road and get completely lost if you let yourself. The so-called "normal" standards that will break your back and mock you if you let them.

I suppose numbers do give us a way to measure and prove to ourselves and others that change is occurring. We're a society of "seeing is believing" and faith is slowly being removed from conversation. The human race is a daily dash and long term thinking is for the ancient. It's microwave success and now, now, now. Lotto tickets, horoscopes, blood pressure, clocking in on time..... NUMBERS!

I got thinking about numbers this week, as we all know, I'm using this blog to document, vent, share, exhort, encourage and just about spill my guts in a public forum about my road to weight loss. Yes, it's been a while since my last words and there was me, avoiding it. Knowing the truth. Knowing that MY numbers have been considerably small in comparison to the number of days. 17 pounds down. Good. But not great for 4 months. There was me hanging my head in shame and guilt for the number of cheat days and missed days at the gym. Sure, stuff came up.

My constant foot pain and now hip pain making my number of gym days obsolete. But, never the less, I have felt and seen change. I knew this would be trial and error, patience and grace, waiting and seeing.

Funny thing, numbers -they don't lie.

Am I wrong in getting discouraged about what I "see" on the scale. For a moment, no. But, truthfully, I started recognizing that I AM moving forward. My steps might be the only little thing about me at the moment, but it's still forward. I find myself seeing and thinking differently, not focusing alone on the outward changes, but finding comfort in what has been happening INSIDE this body.

I can't afford to prove myself or "find" myself through numbers. We've all been there. Step on scale one day, lose 3 pounds feel amazing - step on scale next day gain 3 pounds - feel horrid. I asked myself a hard question this week: Would I ever really accept myself unless I was thin? Maybe you've asked yourself the same or maybe it's if you were smarter, prettier, richer? All external, numerical measures of something that is not eternal.

Don't get me wrong - my weight loss is STILL of high priority.

But, certainly, the over-bearing importance of numbers have changed. I can't possibly step on a scale and measure the internal growth, peace, wisdom or contentment I have gained over these past few months all from allowing God to take control over my life. Having finally surrendered to His call, I am trusting in Him to redeem the time. I will do my part (however faulty or minimal at times that may be) I KNOW with hard work and patience, this weight will come off. I am determined, but heck, I could be superwoman losing 5 pounds a week and still feel empty or unfulfilled if I wasn't allowing Him to fill me. Which He is and I'm exceedingly grateful.

Funny thing about numbers - they're relative and don't take much faith. Are you going to believe the change if you don't see the numerical value? Or will you keep pushing on trusting that with faith and patience, you will finish this race.

Reason # 103

I'm no gazelle, but for a big girl, I like to think I am pretty quick on my feet. I know I at least think quick on my feet. I live in a constant state of being very "body aware". Not saying this is a good thing, it's a tiring full time job. I boil it down to a mental compensation for a physical abundance. The need to always look around and make sure you're "together" or going to be "together" within the next few minutes. I don't always get it right.

Example, I photograph weddings. It is a very vigorous, spontaneous, go-go-go day for me. It takes it's toll, mentally, emotionally (bridezillas) and mainly physically. I'm supporting a bulky heavy camera & flash. I'm toting around a camera bag & laptop. I'm eyeing the situation non-stop and need to be trigger ready at all times. Maneuvering from A-B needs to be quick and efficient. Easy right? Not if you're already widen frame is now extra wide with equipment.

"I'm so sorry I just ran into your person, my butt has a mind of it's own. I can't take it anywhere"

I've literally said this. Of course, it's natural to make light of an awkward situation when it comes to an insecurity. But, sometimes, I just have to laugh at myself. This is my excuse: I've gained and lost weight so many times that I honestly believe I have no space recognition left. Is it a real diagnosis? Probably not. Who cares, this is my blog. I'm talking about trying to rush through rows of chairs, or tables or passing people on a staircase and TOTALLY underestimating the space you need. Embarrassing. Painful. Hilarious. You have no idea what I'm talking about? Some of you do, let's be honest. I had a very good friend tell me she once passed a table at Starbucks and knocked a man's pastry clear off his plate with her well endowed behind. Priceless!

Well, at yesterday's wedding, I took the cake, (quite literally. Good thing it was WAY too sweet and one bite gave me my fill and 3 cavities), and had an epic public FALL!

After lining up my young, good-looking, very obedient bridal party, I went to press the shutter but went shuddering down instead. Uneven pavement coupled with walking backwards and the sun in your eyes will tend to do that. With my quick thinking (lol), I raised my camera up above my head which left nothing to break my fall. Oh wait, my hip broke my fall and my fall nearly broke my hip. Thank God I'm still in tact, although my pride took a bruising.

I was mortified. But, what's a girl to do? Back to work! I then had to reassure all watching that I was okay and fit to carry on. Save the pain for later. Once I got in my car, I had to laugh. What on earth did THAT look like? Thank goodness I will never know! So much for being self- aware at all times. It's all part of getting over your hold ups. You're not always going to look perfect and put together. But, how do you recover? I could have beaten myself up all week with "fat and clumsy" thoughts. But, it's another reason to want it (health) more. Not that being in shape nullifies you from falling on your smaller butt, but with less weight coming down on the pavement, there's less insult to injury. I woke up in all kinds of pain in my body but a secret, self-sarcastic smile.

And so....reason # 103

Catch up

My friends, my sweet, sweet, friends. I am so sorry you haven't heard from me in so long. Summer is upon us and wedding season is in full swing. As many of you know I am a photographer (plug) and coupled with fundraising for India and Thailand, I will be one busy bee during the following months. I will try as best as I can to keep my blogs updated and fancy fresh.

Oh yeah, I'm going to India in Novemeber and then on to Thailand to work with some incredible friends who are making a difference in this world through their selfless serving. I am beyond excited and can't wait for this opportunity to be used.

I will be helping many many people in the cities and villages through worship, medical outreaches, working at orphanages, feeding the poor but most importantly....preaching the WORD of God! I live for this. It's what I was born to do.

Needless to say, now more than ever I need to press in about my health. Traveling is hard enough on a body, let alone when it's heavy and tired all the time. Feet swelling, joint aches, dehydration, lack of sleep, different beds, different foods, different EVERYTHING! Some days, you just want your own pillow and well.....that aint plausible. I know from trotting the globe as much as I have so far, you have got to take care of yourself if you want to be vital to others! Or you fight to keep your head above water and CRASH hard when you get home...trust me.

My big adventure on the horizon got me thinking. I know this is what I want to do with my life. This is who I want to be and what I want to do. I was born with a traveling heart and a cultured soul, but somehow got comfortable in the middle (and squishy). The American dream looked good to me and I pursued it. But, its charms were deceiving and it's taste sour. I gave it more than it gave me and it was a selfish pursuit. My heart was left wanting and my desires not satiated.

But now, I know I will never be happy or fully satisfied by illusions of what I can have, earn or keep in a life that I am not meant to be living. There is only one life for me, His life. What does that mean? I am still finding out. But, I know if I seek Him with everything, then all the rest will be added, so I shouldn't waste time seeking them out. I know the majority of my weight struggles and food addiction stem from the fact that I fought the call of God on my life for all these years. I mean the real, full call. Not just being a good Christian and doing my small part here and there and then going home to myself and my ways and all that is want and lust.

No. I mean the call of giving myself away to all that He wants of me and living every day to define that definition.

Admittingly, it's taking quite some time to turn this ship around. Still have my bad days. Who doesn't? The mind is a hard thing to change and some days, it still takes the best of me. I am determined. I am strong. I am saying these things through faith! I know I can do it.

I am moving on and up and learning much about myself, those around me and Him. He who is all and in all. The only way to beat this heaviness that I have added to my frame to trap me from the fullness of life. His life. Real life.

Okay, so for a lighter ending, here are some pics from my recent "sensible shoe" hunt. Just for the sake of not offending anyone, if you own any of the following foot ware, I apologize in advance. It's all in good fun. A hopeless endeavor. The right one has yet to be found. The search continues..

A nice spring time disaster, complete with "fashionable" wooden embellishments. A total sham.

The only noise your shoes should make is a thump from hitting the floor after being removed.

Pocahontas is rolling in her burial grounds.

Mrs. Doubtfire tries out as an extra for Gladiator.

Surfs up. Fashion down.

Even Smurfette is blue over these sad shoes.

Splish, Splash, Crash

New chapter in the work out department: Swimming.

Before venturing on this ambitious endeavor, there is a necessary check list I must complete.

First off, I was not lying about NOT having shaved my legs since last fall, so my most desperate need and first stop is the salon. Heat up that wax baby, because these legs are looking more "chuck" than "chic". A few hundred rips and squeals later, I leave with silky smooth legs. Wow, I think I might even be getting more speed since there's less wind resistance.

No, those are not my legs.

Good. That's done. Now, on to an equally painful next stop: bathing suit shopping. Ugh. Enter dark cloud circling above my head. I don't know if I have a favorite phrase but, "Could you direct me to the plus size bathing suit department" is certainly not in the running. There they are. Miles of stretchy Lycra fabric disguised with deceiving words such as "fashionable", "slimming" and "supportive". No honey, that strap is 2 centimeters thick and will be working over time. Why yes, I'd love to clad my frame in a GIANT palm print or better yet, blue and yellow geometric squares. Of course there's the skirted suits, I don't even wear that much fabric in the winter. Frills, flaps and straps. Who designs these aquatic abominations?

After painful deliberation, I decide on a less horrible black and zebra print. It'll work, it's gotta work. I haven't worked out in over 2 weeks and surprisingly enough, I really miss it. This is happening today.

I pull up to the good ol' YMCA which coincidentally, reminds me of being on the mission field overseas. Multi-cultural, strange smells, hand written signs and you don't want to walk around barefoot. In fact, I believe the squatter toilets in India are more kosher. I squeeze myself into a tiny changing room and pull the curtain closed - correction, it doesn't actually close all the way. So now I am faced with the challenge of shimmying into my new suit whilst gripping the curtain panels together. I really don't know why I am trying to be modest. I know this is a family establishment and all, but there is crack everywhere. Little old Italian ladies and their powder, I shant continue. I get the job done, I'm already sweating, great - mission accomplished.

FYI, this locker room is a labyrinth of sights I don't want to see, but I finally make it to my destination. Ahhhh.....the pool. Refreshing, clean (here's hoping), bright and 600,000 gallons of enough chlorine to sanitize the entire NYC subway system. I feel like the new kid at school under the scrutiny of the brace-faced lifeguard, so I sheepishly shuffle in and put my things in the alloted spot. I can almost hear my thighs rubbing together in this echoing room. There are certain moments in life when you just have to throw caution to the wind, brave up and as Nike says "just do it", for me, one of those moments is dropping the towel. It's so nice and safe and hidden in there, but unfortunately, it's against the rules to wear it in the pool. I quickly drop it and jump in. I feel liberated, I feel free, I feel......HUGE.

The buoyancy is making things shift, so much for "supportive".

With each stride, I feel myself sinking lower and lower towards the bottom of the pool. This is harder than I thought. To my left, Mr. Speedy Speedo is doing his thing. Rippling muscles, goggles and Michael Phelps know how. Over to my right, is a less intimidating co-splasher. Grey with a gut. Okay, so I figure I'm somewhere in between the two. Whatever, I am here and I am gonna do this! There's nothing to be ashamed of. Who would make fun of a girl trying to get in shape? I realize, its all in my head and that no one is even paying attention to me. Am I really this self-conscious? Must be the copious amounts of chemicals I've just inhaled.

After a few laps, I am feeling stronger and stronger. Nothing is gonna hold me back. I don't care who sees me or what they think. This is MY journey and they aren't on it. Who knows? Maybe they're hoping I don't notice their obscene back hair. Everyone has their hang ups and insecurities and while I have my own demons to battle, I start feeling good. I won't be defeated. I look up at the clock and 40 minutes had passed. My heart is beating hard. WOW. I did it! I beat my fears, I pushed myself, I trusted in His strength. He came through, He always does. Can't wait for tomorrow.

Time for some electrolytes!!!