Reason # 103

I'm no gazelle, but for a big girl, I like to think I am pretty quick on my feet. I know I at least think quick on my feet. I live in a constant state of being very "body aware". Not saying this is a good thing, it's a tiring full time job. I boil it down to a mental compensation for a physical abundance. The need to always look around and make sure you're "together" or going to be "together" within the next few minutes. I don't always get it right.

Example, I photograph weddings. It is a very vigorous, spontaneous, go-go-go day for me. It takes it's toll, mentally, emotionally (bridezillas) and mainly physically. I'm supporting a bulky heavy camera & flash. I'm toting around a camera bag & laptop. I'm eyeing the situation non-stop and need to be trigger ready at all times. Maneuvering from A-B needs to be quick and efficient. Easy right? Not if you're already widen frame is now extra wide with equipment.

"I'm so sorry I just ran into your person, my butt has a mind of it's own. I can't take it anywhere"

I've literally said this. Of course, it's natural to make light of an awkward situation when it comes to an insecurity. But, sometimes, I just have to laugh at myself. This is my excuse: I've gained and lost weight so many times that I honestly believe I have no space recognition left. Is it a real diagnosis? Probably not. Who cares, this is my blog. I'm talking about trying to rush through rows of chairs, or tables or passing people on a staircase and TOTALLY underestimating the space you need. Embarrassing. Painful. Hilarious. You have no idea what I'm talking about? Some of you do, let's be honest. I had a very good friend tell me she once passed a table at Starbucks and knocked a man's pastry clear off his plate with her well endowed behind. Priceless!

Well, at yesterday's wedding, I took the cake, (quite literally. Good thing it was WAY too sweet and one bite gave me my fill and 3 cavities), and had an epic public FALL!

After lining up my young, good-looking, very obedient bridal party, I went to press the shutter but went shuddering down instead. Uneven pavement coupled with walking backwards and the sun in your eyes will tend to do that. With my quick thinking (lol), I raised my camera up above my head which left nothing to break my fall. Oh wait, my hip broke my fall and my fall nearly broke my hip. Thank God I'm still in tact, although my pride took a bruising.

I was mortified. But, what's a girl to do? Back to work! I then had to reassure all watching that I was okay and fit to carry on. Save the pain for later. Once I got in my car, I had to laugh. What on earth did THAT look like? Thank goodness I will never know! So much for being self- aware at all times. It's all part of getting over your hold ups. You're not always going to look perfect and put together. But, how do you recover? I could have beaten myself up all week with "fat and clumsy" thoughts. But, it's another reason to want it (health) more. Not that being in shape nullifies you from falling on your smaller butt, but with less weight coming down on the pavement, there's less insult to injury. I woke up in all kinds of pain in my body but a secret, self-sarcastic smile.

And so....reason # 103